Ephesians 5:21-33 • Godly Wives

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(This transcript was prepared using software tools and has not been reviewed for complete accuracy.)

 We are going to continue to address particularly wives and moms on this day as we continue looking at a family series at Ephesians chapter 5. We'll be looking at that passage from Ephesians 5 21 through 33, but focusing on words particularly to godly wives.



 If you've been with us in this Through the Bible in a Year series, you know that we recognize God is making the church His witness to the world.



 And that occurs only the church as Christ's face to the world if we are Christ's face to one another. So how are we the face to one another that is Christ's witness of love to the world? Well, extraordinary times that we're in now, again, allow some special things. And so again, this day, as last week, even though I'm going to be the one explaining Scripture, I have asked the mom of our children, Kathy, to help me express some of these biblical truths by giving some of the illustrations from our lives. But first, as we deal with this passage of Scripture, we want to acknowledge some things. We know that this passage about the responsibilities of wives and biblical marriages are difficult for our world to hear, sometimes difficult for those in the church to hear as well. And so we want to be real about what we know the struggles are about a biblical woman's responsibility in her marriage. And Kathy, we've had some examples of that. A pastor we know tells of being invited to a wedding at a church in Washington, D.C. In those days prior to social distancing, the reception was held altogether and attending were the young, up-and-coming future power brokers for our nation, both men and women.



 All was going very pleasantly until a young woman asked the young pastor, "You know, I heard a preacher say the other day that a marriage, a good marriage, the husband has to be the head because a two-headed marriage is a two-headed monster." Well, she had said it loudly enough that it stopped all conversations surrounding as all eyes went to the pastor to hear his response.



 Who wisely hesitated just a moment and took a deep breath and then he said this, "Imagine that you are married to a man who genuinely believes you are the most fantastic person on the planet.



 He's crazy about you. You have no doubt that your happiness is his top priority. He's responsible. He's not afraid to make decisions. He leads, but he listens.



 He cherishes you and values your opinions. He's not argumentative. He's not arrogant. He's not selfish. He only has eyes for you.



 His self-esteem and life goals, his resources are dedicated to leading his home in whatever way is best for you and your family. Would you have trouble supporting such a man?" And the young woman quickly responded, "Trouble supporting him? No. I want to marry that man."



 Well people laughed as we would hope people do if there were people in the sanctuary.



 But the truth was made.



 Whether you perceive the Bible's instructions to wives as a burden or as a blessing largely depends on the lens you use to view those instructions.



 If the lens is one of suppression with sacrifice imposed just on one spouse and not the other, then clearly these words are not going to be a blessing but an offense.



 But if the lens is one of a man who supports his wife with everything in himself, who is willing to give himself for her in all the decisions and all the difficulties that are in marriage, if that's the man from whom we view the responsibility of a wife, then these words can be a blessing.



 So what is the lens the Apostle Paul uses to express his instruction to wives? Well that's clear. A wife's instructions are viewed through the lens of a husband, the language of the text, who gives himself for his wife as Christ gives himself for the church. So is that so? Is that really the context of this biblical passage? Let's read and see what it says. I cited the longer passage, but let's just read that portion directed to wives, Ephesians 5 verse 22 through 25. "Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord.



 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body and is himself its Savior.



 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.



 Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."



 The context truly seems to be that of a husband who is giving himself for his wife, and out of that context there is the description of the duty, got it here on the board, the duty and the dignity and the desire of a Christian wife. A wife is to support her husband by the submission of her gifts to God's purposes for their family. And the plain meaning of God's Word cannot be avoided.



 The instruction, again, is given in the context of a man who loves his wife as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her. Sounds simple.



 Here's the problem.



 The man who lives that obligation perfectly is not on this planet.



 So does Paul just speak these words into the wind? Are women just to throw these words away because their husbands are not perfect? So the same apostle who wrote these words had not met a perfect man on this planet and still spoke to husbands and wives of the example and the model and the instruction of Christ because of what he knew could be the blessings in a Christian marriage. So let's just follow his own pattern. What does the apostle Paul establish as the duty of a godly wife?



 Before we go there, we may have to simply discuss the duty of all Christians. What is the general duty of a wife and all Christians that the apostle has already stated in this passage? Now a few weeks ago as we were beginning this Ephesians passage on families, we read where the general instructions were given to Christians at the beginning of chapter 5. And Kathy, I've asked you to read that for us. What are the general instructions to all Christians? "Be therefore imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."



 All Christians are called to submit their gifts and their privileges in sacrifice to the purposes of God in the lives of others just as Christ gave Himself up for us. And that's the context of verse 21 that precedes this passage to wives where what the apostle talked about was being filled with the Spirit in the church. And the last category of the church fulfilling that example of being filled with the Spirit for witness to the world was people who are submitting themselves to one another out of love for Christ.



 And it's in that general context of sacrifice for the sake of one another that the apostle then gives specific instruction to wives. And that's where he says, "In particular, wives submit to your husbands as to the Lord." But it's important to remember that before any of that specific instruction is given, the apostle has said, "Here's the instruction for everybody.



 You are to be pouring your lives into the completion of another. Just as Christ did for us, we are pouring our lives into God's purposes for the others that God puts into our lives." That's made more poignant in the lives of husbands and wives in verse 31 where it says, "We are husbands and wives, one in the Lord."



 As we are completing one another, husbands are to sacrifice their very selves for the sake of their wives and husbands, excuse me, and wives to submit their gifts to the good of their husbands.



 But we well recognize that that pouring of oneself into the completion of another is not always one's first thought.



 But when it is lived, it has profound effects in families. And Kathy, we've seen that.



 Several years ago, we were visited by an old friend of Brian's. John's family was suffering from the consequences of his terrible upbringing and childhood. In order to have an unhindered affair with a neighbor, John's father had intentionally driven his wife into insanity.



 John's dominant childhood memories were of his parents fighting outside his bedroom door.



 And now, John related to us, that history of rage and abuse was the context for his own family patterns. He controlled his family with criticism and temper tantrums.



 One night, his rage was so intense that he recognized he was nearly losing control of himself, and it scared him.



 So he promised his wife that night that if he ever blew up like that again, he would leave to avoid hurting her and their children.



 While the resolve did not last long, the tantrums continued for months until one outburst.



 His wife left the room running to the bedroom and dissolved into tears.



 Well, that startled him. That was not the way she usually responded to his tantrums. And so he said, "Honey, why is this time different? Why are you so hurt?"



 And she said, "Because tonight is the one-year anniversary of that terrible promise you made to leave us if you lost your temper this way again." I knew when you made that promise, you couldn't keep it. So I went to see our pastor and asked him what to do. He said, "I cannot control you. Only the Holy Spirit could do that."



 So I had been on my knees every day praying for you, praying that the Holy Spirit would change you, but nothing has worked.



 Except that did work.



 When he learned how she had been sacrificing herself in patience and prayer on her knees seeking God's good for his life, then he finally recognized that he had to change. It was her submission of her gifts to his good, pouring herself into the completion of him. When he recognized it, that broke him.



 And that's the way it's supposed to work, that as we give ourselves one for another, pouring ourselves into the completion of another, that there's a profound spiritual influence upon the one who is most dear to us. This is not physical domination.



 This is not sexual blackmail.



 This is not emotional manipulation.



 This is at the fundamental level sacrificial love so that ultimately what God is doing is he is harkening all the way back to the original created order when God took a woman out of a man. The man gave of himself that the woman could be created. And then God made her to help to support him that in that fundamental way in which two were becoming one in God's purpose that God continues to use and bless us. And it's only in that context of recognizing we are given for the completion of one another that we're really ready to talk about the specific responsibilities of a godly woman.



 Those responsibilities are clear that a woman is called to fully express her gifts in the support of a husband. Now where do I get that? Verse 22, "Wives submit to your own husbands as to the Lord." Well what does that mean? Verse 24, "Now as the church submits to Christ." So also wives should submit in everything to the Lord. Now let's be honest about what our culture tends to think about these standards of biblical submission. And Kathy what have we heard? Well several years ago at this point in a marriage conference a lovely professionally dressed business woman raised her hand and said, "I don't care how beautifully you describe this, submission is something my dog does. I do not."



 And it's not just something our culture struggles with.



 What the church sometimes has tended to teach about biblical submission is also difficult for us to hear and it should be. Kathy what have we sometimes heard in the church? Once upon a time there was a man driving to a destination with his family... Unnamed, we're not going to name this person.



 And he had trouble finding the location when his wife sitting next to him began to give him some instruction, some direction. And then from the back seat came the voice of their teenage son, "Mom don't forget, suppress,



 suppress."



 And she turned around and said to that little smart aleck, "The word is not suppress." The word is submit and there is a difference.



 Is there a difference?



 There is a difference that makes all the difference in how we understand what the Bible is actually saying. What does the Bible actually teach? You have to look at the word carefully and not with the cultural stereotype, not with the church stereotypes. What does submit mean? It's two Greek words put together, "hupotasso," which simply means to arrange under. It is taking one's gifts, resources, talents, intelligence, and arranging them under the purpose of God's fulfillment in the life of another. Now that is far from suppression. That is full expression of gifts in behalf of another. How do I know that's the case? Because of the example that's given in verse 24. As the church submits to Christ, we never say to the church, "Now suppress, suppress, don't sing too well, don't think too clearly, don't praise God too well, don't build up other people too much."



 We never say that in the church. We say, "Take all the gifts that God has provided and express them fully in behalf of another." That is precisely the example that Paul has given so that we will recognize that the calling, is it sacrificial? Yes, but it is not suppression.



 It is full expression of gifts in behalf of another. Again, just a reminder, Paul is taking that notion of verse 18, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ and saying, "Husbands, how do you do that? You sacrifice your very all for the sake of your spiritual leadership in the home, using the gifts of leadership that God has given you for the sake of your family and your spouse and wife, the gifts that you have from God. Be expressing them fully for the sake of your husband as well." And if you don't see that, there are portions of Scripture that just will not make sense anymore. It's so common on Mother's Day that we begin to quote Proverbs 31 and we extol biblical godly women out of Proverbs 31. But what does it actually say about women expressing their gifts in behalf of another? So Kathy, I've asked that you read that too.



 "An excellent wife who can find. She is far more precious than jewels and the heart of her husband trusts in her.



 She does him good and not harm all the days of her life." So there it is again. She does him good and not harm all the days of her life. It's harkening back to that Genesis passage of she is his helper. She is the one who supports him. She is doing him good all the days of her life.



 And how is that then described, Kathy, in this passage in Proverbs 31?



 She rises while it is yet night. We can all relate. Kroger is open at six, I mean after all. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household. She considers a field and buys it. With her hand she plants a vineyard. She sees that her merchandise is profitable.



 She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She makes linen garments and sells them. Her children rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also praises her.



 Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.



 The Bible offers praise to the woman who cares for her family.



 That's not news to you, but how does she care for her family in that Proverbs 31 passage? She's involved in manufacturing and merchandising and agriculture. She does retail and real estate. She makes time for charity and cares for those who are needy. In all of this, her husband trusts her because she does him good. All the days of her life she is pouring herself into the completion of another. She's fully expressing her gifts against all our suppression stereotypes in support of God's purposes in the life of her husband. She does him good. For all of these reasons, her children rise up and call her blessed and her husband praises her. Just as the Apostle said was supposed to happen when we talked to husbands last week, that they look at their wives and they seek to make them radiant and splendid, no fully the grace of God in their lives. This is that giving for one another that God intends. And it's this living for the sake of another that is ultimately not just the duty of a Christian life, but ultimately the dignity of a Christian wife. We need to talk about the dignity of these words that the Apostle Paul is writing in his own cultural context. Take it away from our cultural stereotypes of the moment and actually identify what the Apostle Paul is talking about in his own context. You must know that in the Greco-Roman world to which Paul was writing men and women in this time, a woman had no rights. She was property of her husband. She simply could be used and abused by him with no consequence to the man. And it was in that context that Paul is saying to the man, "Love your wife as much as you love yourself and give yourself for him." And to the wife who was experiencing that love to say, "And support your husband with the very gifts you have been given." Kathy, one of the more recent books that's very challenging for Christians, but rightly so, is the one by Rebecca McLaughlin called Confronting Christianity, the largest religion in the world. And she gives a whole chapter to this question, "Doesn't Christianity denigrate women?" And she answers it honestly in the context of the biblical era. So what does she write? A wide array of resources shows that the early church was majority female.



 And this is particularly striking given the cultural realities of selective infanticide of baby girls and maternal deaths in childbirth.



 So what made the early church so attractive to women? Mrs. McLaughlin writes, "The status of women was raised in the Christian church.



 Paul's inclusion of nine women among his ministry partners, Jesus' use of the testimonies of women and his honor of the devotion of women.



 Roman culture of the day had no such regard for women.



 Roman families often gave their pre-adolescent daughters away in marriage, but Christians did not.



 Christian women also benefited from Christian condemnation of the cultural male prerogatives of divorce, incest, infidelity, and polygamy.



 The Christian expectation that men be faithful to their wives and sacrificial in love for them would have seemed radically unreasonable in New Testament times."



 Now that's remarkable. What Paul has instructed men in the way that they treat women would have been radically unreasonable to the thought of men in that Roman culture. And so the church was attractive to women because it was elevating them. And to this day, there are more women than men who are Christians. And you say, "How could that be? If the church is actually just slamming women and enslaving them, why is that even to this day when women really understand what Christ is saying that there are more women than men in the church?" And the answers become fairly clear. Christianity flips the script on the marginalization of women and gives them equal status from the very beginning. What men and women made in the image of God was the declaration even of Moses from the very beginning. In verse 31 of this passage, "Husband and wife are one before the Lord. The Apostle Peter will later say to husbands, "Honor your wives as heirs together with..." Now think of that in Roman culture, heirs together with you of the grace of life that God has provided through the gift of Christ.



 There's this wonderful understanding of the church valuing women as they are expressing their gifts for the sake of another, particularly in the context of the home. But if what we are doing in displacing male selfishness is simply replacing it with female selfishness, then you must know there is no dignity in that. So just as the Apostle has instructed men to give themselves for their wives as they lead their homes, so the Apostle Paul is taking care to say to women, "As you express your gifts," this isn't just about selfishness. There is no place that you are not to be expressing Christ's goal for another in the way that you live. So he begins to explain in the same passage the reach of a godly woman's responsibility. Verse 24, he says, "Wives should submit in everything to their husbands."



 No one gets a little pocket of self-promotion.



 No one gets a little closet of hidden selfishness that would ultimately rob them of the dignity that Christ intends as someone is following his example and walking his path.



 And beyond this reach of, "In everything, live for Christ's purposes in the life of your husband," there is this further understanding of the redemptive nature of the calling that Christ gives and Paul expresses here to women. Now it may be hidden in the wording, but we need to see it carefully in verse 22.



 Paul says to women, "Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord."



 Now that's not simply saying, "As though He is the Lord."



 Rather, it is saying this, "As though you are doing the Lord's work in how you live." In Colossians, the following book in the Bible is exactly what it says, "Work as unto the Lord, not as unto men." It is the understanding that what you are doing is for ultimately the Lord's sake. As you live, you're not doing it primarily for your husband. You are doing this to honor the Lord in the way that you live. Now that is absolutely crucial to understanding what the apostle says for at least two reasons. First, if you are submitting, giving your gifts in full expression for the sake of another, you must understand if that is done for God's purpose, no godly woman can be required to approve what is clearly against God.



 Now at the minimum, that means that submission cannot be used as a reason to make a wife do what is evil.



 It also means that it cannot be used to make a woman silent when there is an abusive relationship going on toward her or to their children.



 Nor can it be used to say a woman can never confront a husband who is involved in foolish and self-destructive behavior. Why? That would be against the purposes of God. Against all the cultural stereotypes and the church stereotypes, a woman who is fully expressing herself for the sake of her husband, for the sake of her family, may actually at times have to respectfully, lovingly, and yet honestly challenge a husband to say, "Is this what God intends?"



 Because her calling is to express her gifts as to the Lord.



 That also means not only is a godly woman not required to approve what is evil, it also means that she is ultimately while serving for the Lord's sake, not living this way because of the man's deserving it. To simply say, "I'm going to submit because my man deserves it." And if he doesn't deserve it, then there's no obligation. No, this is as to the Lord, not because the husband deserves it this way. The redemptive purpose of a godly wife ultimately helps explain why the last category of what we will describe here is the desire of a Christian woman. If you recognize that she is ultimately honoring a divine calling in the way that she lives, the last piece of God's instruction actually involves her desire, not just duty, not just dignity for her alone. But what do we fundamentally understand is the desire of a Christian woman. It's not just to live a life that is distasteful and detestable, but do it anyway because it's her duty.



 Perhaps Mother's Day is by God's blessing and design a wonderful time to discuss this. I mean, it's a great time to think about a mother's desire. On Mother's Day, we could talk a lot about the duty and the dignity of a Christian woman and mother.



 And we could say, of course, that there are obligations of being a Christian mom.



 But this we know as well. There are lots of days when the kids are not deserving of that love, when they are arguing and they are exhausting and they are deserving nothing but a 12-hour time out and a bowl of gruel before bed.



 And yet the mom who knows all of that, who did not enjoy that day one bit, still deep down, further in, has a desire that never wavers.



 And that desire is to be there for her children, to support them, to build them up in a way that God's purposes and grace are ultimately fulfilled in their lives. And that is ultimately the kind of way that God is speaking to women in this passage.



 There is a desire that ultimately comes to respect a husband, not just because it's duty,



 not just because it's a responsibility.



 Why ultimately does every woman desire to respect her husband? Because she desires to be married to a man that she can respect.



 That's what every woman wants. She wants to be married to a man that she respects. And so verse 33, this passage ending with the instruction to husbands and wives does tell men again, "Love your wives."



 But it says to a woman, "Let the wife respect her husband." And that is not just an arbitrary demand. The biblical principle is this.



 You get what you give.



 If you give respect to your husband, you have a husband that you respect.



 When you say about your husband things that are distasteful and discrediting and disrespectful, that is actually what you think about your husband. What you say is what you ultimately see.



 If what you say about your husband to others or to him or to yourself determines what you see, then you recognize you rob yourself of the husband you respect if you do not give him respect.



 Now we have seen how this happens and sometimes it has surprised us why it is so common in the world how women who actually desire to respect their husbands often are so consistent in disrespecting their husbands. Kathy, why have we seen that happen?



 When Brian and I were newly married, we lived in an apartment building with paper-thin walls. So everybody kind of knew everybody's business.



 And the couple in the apartment next to us would have just awful fights.



 We would listen to it, begin with yelling, and then escalate to blows and choke holds. And then we would find some excuse to knock on a door and ask to borrow something or make a telephone call to interrupt the fight. And by the way, he was a minister.



 And often their fights were about who can be the best witness.



 One night as the fight began to build, I turned to Brian and I said, "Why does she taunt him like that? She knows he's going to hit her next."



 Now we were young in our own family and we were young in our own ministry. And we did not understand why she and many wives, even in abusive relationships, will seem to taunt their husbands.



 And we have learned over time, just as a man will often use his physical strength to dominate a woman to get control in the relationship, so often a woman who has better verbal skills will often seek to diminish her husband in order to get control of him. She'll disrespect him. She'll speak in such way that he begins to have some self-doubt. He begins to be uncertain.



 And that disrespecting is what makes him disregard himself, question himself. And it's how she gains a little control over what may be an abusive or difficult man or maybe it's just a weak man. And so she is asserting herself by disrespecting him. The Apostle Paul, speaking for the witness of the Lord Jesus, is not going to allow either power play. He says to men who might be tempted to exert physical strength or mental domination of some sort, "Love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her."



 And to wives who might seek control by disrespecting or diminishing their husbands. He says, "Respect your husbands," the final word, "Respect your husbands in the Lord."



 Now surely that can be hard. We all know that. But it actually gets harder if you look at the Word.



 There's a catch here to say to a woman that the core of your desire is to have a man that you respect and so respect your husband. What's the problem with that?



 Because the Word is not only translated as respect.



 If you go in this very passage and you look a little higher where I actually began our Scripture text today, verse 21, that we are all called to be submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. That word reverence is the same word that the Apostle uses down in verse 33 to talk about the obligations of women to their husbands.



 Husbands reverence your, excuse me, wives, wives.



 Reference your husband.



 Now what I know and every wife knows is no husband deserves that.



 No husband deserves reverence. So why does the Apostle use the words?



 Because he's reminding us that the reverence is not for the character of the man as he is expressing it. It's dealing with a flawed man. We are all sinners. None is righteous. No, not one.



 It is reverencing the purposes of God for that man.



 Every husband is going to ultimately call to count before God to give an accounting for the way that he has spiritually led his home.



 And the reverence that a woman has is for God's purpose in that man's life. And therefore she is called not just to respect but even reverence the man not because he deserves it. He does not. He is a flawed creature. The reality is, however, that when a man knows that he is respected, he tends more to act according to the purposes of God.



 Just plain talk to our family and friends here at Grace. Men are wired to need respect for fulfilling the purposes that God has put in their lives, whether it's occupationally, relationally, in their families. We are wired to need respect.



 And if men do not receive respect from their spouses, they will get it from somewhere.



 And that can lead to great sadness. And so the apostle just speaks plainly. Men, love your wives. Does Christ love the church?



 Wives, respect your husbands because of the calling that God has put into their lives. And Kathy, we've been surprised maybe how long it takes for us and others we know to have this truth sink in.



 The men on the Board of Trustees of Covenant Seminary, where Brian was the president for a number of years, were godly men with wonderful and godly wives.



 At a round table a number of years ago for the young wives of seminary students training to be pastors.



 One of the trustees' wives shared a difficult but dear truth.



 She said, "I always thought my husband got all the approval and respect he needed from his work. He's a leader in the community, highly respected.



 But it wasn't until our kids were grown and we were finding our way back to one another as empty nesters that he told me that the one person in the world from whom he needed respect was me.



 I don't know why I didn't figure that out sooner, but now our marriage has never been better."



 The Bible includes these words so that wives don't have to wait to find that out.



 You know, there have just been times in my ministry dealing with difficult issues or difficult relationships that I have felt I had no respect from anyone in the world except Kathy.



 And that makes all the difference to the one that the Lord has put in my life to be one with me and air together with me and the grace of life, the one that God has sent to complete me, that she respects me. And so much of what I feel about where we are in life, the strength that the Lord has given and the ability the Lord has given to be in the various positions that we have had is because I have felt that unwavering respect from Kathy even at times when I did not deserve it. It was her gift to me as God made her a gift to me. Why do we talk about these things now? Straight talk here.



 This is a terrible time in this pandemic where there are job losses and health fears and family stresses.



 Well, we all have trouble remembering these instructions about the husband giving himself for his wife and the wife expressing her gifts for her husband.



 There are people in our church who have lost family members.



 There are job losses. There are graduation losses. Forced retirement.



 Social worries, health fears, and then social isolation that puts us with our families like we are in a pressure cooker every day.



 And this creates stresses on marriages that we have not known since the Great Depression.



 The way that we immunize our marriages against stress that can just tear us apart is with husbands who are spiritually flawed, giving themselves for the sake of their wives, and wives who know their husbands are spiritually flawed, who are unwavering in their respect for the calling that God has given those husbands and expressed their gifts for the sake of the one that God has given them to love. Some of us husbands, we are so flawed that we must confess it must be like dying for our wives to offer us respect.



 So why should they do it?



 Because of the man who died for them.



 His name is Jesus.



 Wives because you love Him and the power of His grace.



 I encourage you to live and express your gifts for the man in your life whom Christ died for too so that Christ's witness and word would be known to the one that you most love.



 And as you love Him, He would be known to the world who needs to know Jesus too. It's really a beautiful thing to which God calls us. His husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her and wives.



 With all their gifts and graces, use themselves to help a man be what he's supposed to be for Christ's sake. Thank you, my love.



 Let's pray together. Heavenly Father, we praise You that You have not left us helpless and without instruction even for hard times. When we need each other maybe more than we ever thought we would, You are gifting us with one another in marriage.



 We praise You that You gave us the example of a servant leader in Christ Jesus.



 And not only did You give us the example of a servant leader in Christ, but through the wonderful motivation of His heart for us, You motivate other hearts to live sacrificially as well, a wife expressing all that is in her for the sake of her husband. So Father, would You draw us together not just out of a sense of duty, but the desire of hearts to love as Christ has loved.



 And so use us for Christ's glory, we pray, in Jesus' name. Amen.


 But last week we saw if the church speaks of Jesus and smells like the world, that witness will not work.



 And we recognize, as did the Apostle Paul, that our families are the heartbeat of the church. And if our families are not working, then our witness does not work either. And so the Apostle Paul in Ephesians 5, and I'll ask that you look in your Bible at Ephesians chapter 5, we'll be looking at verses 21 through 33, though I'm just going to focus on those dealing with husbands this day. In the future we'll deal with wives and parents because Paul also addresses those things. We'll be talking about what it means to be a family with a witness for Christ wherever He calls us. Do we need such?



 Well, just what's in the news. In this time of a world pandemic, we understand that the news told us this last week that 50 percent of all American families have been affected by job loss.



 And at the same time we heard just this last week that those families who are being affected by domestic violence as they shelter in place, that has increased by 50 percent over the norm. It's a time to talk about families and how the Lord may help us all. Family stress, sheltering in place, they make life different in lots of ways. And for our marriages here's one example of a different way life started.



 In the midst of social distancing on a global pandemic, columnist Sophia Lee writes, "Last week I married my best friend. It was just David, me, and our church pastor all standing about six feet away from each other with about 150 people watching us through live streaming.



 When the pastor asked our witnesses if they would uphold our marriage, people typed, "We will" in a chat box on the screen.



 I had no bouquet. We had no wedding aisle to walk. We had no photographers. So our friends took screenshots from the live stream.



 My father couldn't walk me down the aisle. We couldn't have a worship band play as we planned. We couldn't have my cousin's son be the ring bearer. We tried my cat, Shalom, but the naughty creature wiggled away.



 It was a wonderfully strange wedding ceremony.



 I couldn't see the faces of my loved ones, which meant the only face I looked at was my future husband's. God in all His sweet wisdom stripped our wedding of all the Pinterest envy, the chiffon, and the flowers and taught us to focus on what our marriage is really about, a man and a woman making a lifetime covenant with one another no matter what.



 So that was a wonderfully strange wedding, strange we get, but wonderful in this way, that because of all the social distancing and all the effects of that, Sophia focused on the face of her husband and in doing so saw the sweetness of her Lord.



 You know, that's the way it's supposed to work, that husbands and wives are the face of Jesus to one another in our marriages. And what the Apostle Paul is doing in helping us understand how we help one another, support one another in good times or bad is understanding what it means to be that face of Jesus to one another, because we recognize when Jesus' face shines through us, His heart becomes known to the world as well as to one another. And so let's see how the Apostle Paul talked about that. Today just that portion of Scripture dealing with husbands, Ephesians chapter 5 and verse 23, Paul says, "For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Savior."



 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything,



 husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.



 What we understand in this passage, of course, is what it means to be a gospel husband. That's the name of this message, gospel husbands. And maybe it's just helpful to remember that gospel just means good news.



 What would it mean, husbands, to be a good news husband in your home? When you come through the door, that's good news to your family and to your spouse. Is that always the way it is? Well, in honesty, all of us would have to say at times, "That's not always the way it is. I'm not always a good news husband."



 And perhaps some would say, "That's the way it once was, but not anymore." Someone close to us once said, "When I was 25, I could not wait for my husband's face when he came home.



 When I was 35, I couldn't stand it when he came home.



 And when I was 45, I didn't even know if he was home."



 Sometimes if our faces are to reflect the good news of Jesus in our home, then what we have to recognize is the Bible is giving us through the Apostle Paul certain responsibilities and reasons and resources to be the head of a Christian home. Now head of a home that there is an out-of-date and not very popular concept. Where does that come from? Well, right in this passage.



 Even as we are learning that parents are certainly heading the lives of their children, the Apostle Paul says, "The husband," verse 23, "is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior."



 What are the responsibilities of the head of a Christian home? What are the responsibilities of a Christian husband?



 Well, we recognize that's debatable in this culture. Many would not even find the term acceptable anymore. So let's be real, let's be honest.



 What does it mean to be the head of a home? We got to start with what does it not mean? What can it not possibly mean? It means husbands, you do not get a potato pass. And what do I mean by that? I mean, you don't, by being the head of a home, get a pass to be a couch potato. Is that because you're the head of the home, there are no responsibilities?



 There's no care that has to be shown?



 Everybody obeys your command while you take a rest on the couch?



 That is not what the Apostle means. How do we know that? Because he talks about how Jesus, as the head of the church, is fulfilling the responsibilities of being a Savior. And what does that mean? Judges 25 through 27 are explaining what that means. Husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, so that He might present the church to Himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might be holy and without blemish.



 In the same way, says the Apostle, that's how husbands are to be dealing with their spouses. What does that mean? Rather than just kind of a passive letting life go by and making other people serve us, the Apostle said this headship of Christ was acting as a Savior. There's an active engagement of certain things. They're sacrificial giving, giving oneself for another. Christ loved and gave Himself for the church.



 It's also sanctifying living.



 Christ lived to make His bride holy, having cleansed her by the washing with water. And the Word, here's the Apostle taking two thoughts together, the washing with water, reminding us of baptism, that we are committing ourselves not only to live for Christ, but to die to self.



 And this is being done by the instruction of the Word, that to act as Savior is to make another person so important that we would die to self for the sake of that one and be guided by the Word. So much so that there is a sense of the treasure of the wife being grasped by her by the way she is treated by her spouse. Christ did all this so that He might present His bride to Himself in splendor. Some of your Bibles say that she would be radiant. Here is that sense that what it means to be a head of a home is sacrificial giving, sanctifying living and treasure instilling. That we are living in such a way that another knows the fullness of grace in her life. There's this wonderful sense, all those things that God is doing that He's loving, that He's sanctifying, He's pardoning from sin, that He is showing another person their treasure before Him. Loving, forgiving, treasuring, those are all the operations of grace.



 That what a husband is doing as the head of a home is having another person understand the fullness of grace in their lives. That's not just being a couch potato.



 It's something else. It's not being crowned as king. That because I am the head of the home, that what I am enabled to do as one who simply takes over is that I rule with irresponsibility.



 We've seen that happen too. Somebody who says because I'm in charge I can just be negligent. I can take a pass and make everyone else serve me. And Kathy, we've seen that with a family that we love but had some problems when the husband just said being irresponsible is my privilege.



 Our friends John and Mary had three children, the same ages of our older three children, so the families interacted together. And you're going to say their names aren't really John and Mary. No. We will not use real names. It sounds as though all of our friends are named John and Mary and that is not so.



 But there you are.



 One day in tears as we watched our children play together, Mary shared with me her struggles. She said, "John comes and goes without even telling me.



 He works for this news organization that requires travel entirely at his discretion, but he doesn't even tell me anymore when he's coming and going. He hasn't made a decision in years regarding our family.



 The kids don't even know him.



 He's totally passive. He takes no responsibility because he says he's the head. He feels he can do whatever or nothing that he wants to."



 She said, "Kathy, I don't have three children. I have four."



 Being a kid without responsibility is not what it means to be the head of a home. And being a king who just orders other people around for your own selfish pleasure is also not what it means to be the head of a home. How do we know that? Because the Bible says that what God is doing through His Son is He serving the world. He who is king over all things, the God who reigns, Christ our Lord, nonetheless gave Himself for the sake of others. You recognize that what Paul is doing when he says that Jesus is acting as the Savior, but when he acts as the Savior, he is loving his spouse. That he cannot possibly mean, "I'm taking advantage of you. I'm the king. Meet Tarzan, you doormat."



 That cannot possibly be biblical love that Christ is expressing. And we know because the same Apostle Paul described what biblical love is. Kathy, I ask you to look that up ahead of time. What is it? 1 Corinthians 13. "Love is patient and kind. Love does not envy or boast. It is not arrogant nor rude. It does not insist on its own way. It is not irritable or resentful. It does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth.



 Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."



 Love does not insist on its own way, said the Apostle.



 And it puts us in a tension here because we recognize that Jesus is Lord, and at the same time he came to serve. And that tension is something that depending on your generation and depending on the culture in which you live, all families struggle with. I put on our smart board here the spectrum that we recognize that often cultures struggle with. It's between the P and the P. One is men believing, "I have absolute privilege. I'm the king because I'm the head of the household." The other is total passivity, that I just don't have to do anything because I'm the head of the household. Now that's the nice way of saying it. Sometimes the P and the P become something between abandonment, "I just don't have to do anything," and total authoritarianism. I tell my wife when she could get up, what she should wear, what she should do, when she should talk, and we become kings, tyrants as it were, because we're the head of the home.



 And the Apostle Paul is not allowing that. When Kathy and I first wrote the book, "Each for the Other," we recognized we were dealing with a generation that struggled much more with the authoritarian side of things. Now so much a younger generation has reacted against that that often the idea is not that the husband is the boss, but he's just a brother. No more, no less responsibility.



 And that's not what the Apostle is saying either. What does headship mean? If it does not mean I get a potato pass or a king's crown, what does it mean? It is clearly an expression of authority. I'll take you back to verses 23 through 25 of this passage.



 The husband is to be the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. Now that example, whatever you perceive it to be is saying as Christ leads his church, that is the example that is being given to husbands. And there's an expectation, verse 24 right at the beginning, "As the church submits to Christ, so should wives submit to their husbands." It's not just an abstract example, but as the church honors the Lord. So a wife is expected to honor her husband because he's the head of that marriage.



 And the extent of that is described.



 As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. It doesn't say just in church, just on odd Fridays. It says, "No, in everything."



 Unquestionably there's an expression of authority in what it means to be the head of a home. And yet, yet right with that, there is an expression of service. Again, verse 25, "Christ is the head of the church." Yes, but what was happening? He gave himself for his church. What does that mean?



 He came and lived a life in humility.



 He died upon a cross with cruel suffering for our sin, taking the weight of our sin upon himself. He absolutely gave himself for the good of another. And again, we don't have to guess what that means to have kingly authority and to use it for the sake of another. Kathy, again, I ask you to look up Philippians chapter 2. What does it mean for Christ to have authority but give himself for another?



 Philippians 2, 6 through 8 says, "Though he was in the form of God, Jesus did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men, and being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even the death on a cross."



 Biblical headship involves being a leader in your home, and in exactly the same moment it means serving others' well-being and welfare in the home, to be a servant leader.



 Now those sound like opposite concepts, that I would be king and that I would be a servant at the same time. But there was somebody in the Bible who were a servant leader. Well, I'm teasing, of course, because there is someone in the Bible who was a servant leader, and that is the Lord Jesus. You must recognize that what the Apostle is doing when he identifies males, husbands, as the head of the home, is he's doing nothing that would be unacceptable in the Roman culture in which he is writing and living and serving. I mean, in Roman culture, the husband's authority was absolute and authoritarian, and Paul does not take away the authority, the husband.



 He totally redefined it because Roman authority was selfish, self-absorbed, it was dictatorial. I could take advantage of my wife, I could take advantage of my children, I could have any woman I wanted, but she had to stay pure.



 There was this sense of total use of another person.



 And what the Apostle is doing is he's saying there's still authority, but it is being used for the well-being of another person. It's one of the things that made Christianity so attractive in the early Christian world, in the ancient world, because what Paul was doing was he was taking something ugly, secular marriage, and he was making it beautiful, where a husband would take the authority that seemed natural in that society, and he would be using it for the sake of his spouse and his children living for their sakes. That's actually what biblical headship is. It is not an abandonment of authority, it is the use of authority for the well-being of another. It is spiritual leadership. It is saying to another, "With the authority that God has given me, even though it's a privilege to be the head of the... I'm not going to take advantage of my privilege, but I will see that our home follows the Lord." That's going to be my example. That's going to be my energy, my effort. What authority I have as you, my spouse, help me understand my responsibility before the Lord is I will use my authority for the spiritual leadership of this home. What does that mean?



 Well, I'm going to, again, take you back to those verses that we covered before.



 What did Jesus do?



 He reminded us that we were baptized by the washing of water with the Word, that a husband, if he is following Christ's example, is washing with water. That is, his own baptism is becoming clear to his wife and family. I'm devoted to the Lord and dying to self.



 I'm going to see that the way I conduct myself and the way this family works is we are going to be devoted to the Lord, but that means I'm going to start dying to myself. This is not for my privilege. This is not just so that I can use another person. This is setting the example. It's with the Word. We're going to honor the Word of the Lord in this house in the way that we worship, in the way that we do devotions at home, and with our kids, in the way that we pray together, we are going to honor the Word.



 And ultimately, you recognize that what the apostle was saying was that he would work in such a way that his wife believed she was splendid, a treasure to God. We're going to treasure one another, and whether or not you regard me such, I'm going to treat you as precious to God.



 Taking that spiritual leadership where I'm guiding a family by my example of spiritual devotion, dying to self, letting my wife know her radiance, her glory to God in such a way as saying those old words of Joshua, "I don't know what others will choose, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."



 And it is that husband's example that begins that way, using my authority, my life, my privileges as the head of a home, but not self-serving, does not insist on its own the biblical love, but for the sake of another. Now all of us in this society have certain decisions to make. We can say, "Is biblical headship just this social construct that biblical ancients imposed on the family but isn't real?"



 Or can we say, through centuries and generations and across cultures, something intuitive seems to exist between men and women that it's typical most of the time that husbands are leaders in their families?



 And is what the apostle doing, rather than taking away that instinct, that way that God has made us, instead of letting us use it to abuse another person, regulating biblical headship so that it's actually being used for the sake of another person?



 That instinctive aspect of the Spirit in us, I think, was displayed in a study that was done by Focus on the Family some years ago, and here's what they discerned. They said that if a child is the first person in a family to become a Christian, then there's only a less than 4% chance that the rest of the family will become Christian.



 If the wife is the first member of the family to become a Christian, then there's a 17% chance that the rest of the family will become Christian.



 But if the husband is the first to become a Christian.



 There is a 93% chance that the rest of the family will become a Christian.



 How can that be?



 Because there is something instinctive, intuitive, spiritual in us that the world cannot describe and does not know, whereby husbands are establishing spiritual dynamics for their homes. And what the apostle is doing is he's speaking to the power of that and saying to husbands, "Yes, you have a great privilege to be the head of a home, and you have great power within the home to express what that is, but it comes as you live in a Christlike way." When that is done, Christ mission becomes apparent. You become the face of Christ to your spouse and to your children as you are living in a Christlike manner. What are the reasons for this Christlikeness, this face of Christ to another? And the apostle Paul is careful to express that. Having said to husbands, "You have this great privilege of being the head of a home for the sake of others." I want you to understand, lest you express it in an abusive way or a take advantage way, what are the actual reasons for your headship? And the first reason is just to understand your headship is for the glory of another, to actually glorify your spouse. I read earlier, verses 25, they go on through verse 28, that a husband's role as Christ sanctified the church was to sanctify his wife, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that he might present the church to himself and splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands are to love their wives even as much as they love their own bodies.



 Christ's goal is to make the church radiant, and husbands, even as the head of a home, our goal, the reason that we have this privilege is to make our wives know their radiance before God, to fill up their hearts with a sense of the grace of God in their behalf, that they would know how glorious, splendid they are to God by the way their own husbands are treating them.



 Now I will well confess to you that's not everybody even in the church, not how their perception of what biblical headship is.



 I think of a missionary friend of ours who wrote one time about the headship that her missionary husband expressed, and as a consequence she wrote, "I hate him.



 I hate him for the way he made me feel about myself, a non-person, a slave. I can never do anything right in his sight. I can never do enough to please him."



 And there are women listening to me right now who could echo those words. "Oh, my husband says he's the head of the home.



 I do not feel radiant or glorious or splendid.



 I just feel put down all the time." And it's so easy to move from an understanding of God has given me the privilege of being the head of the home, to slide without even perceiving it into using people rather than bless them. And Kathy, we know some of that.



 During our first year of marriage, we lived on four part-time jobs in a very small house with a very little bank account.



 At one point, our old secondhand Ken Moore wash machine died, and when I told Brian about it, he asked me to call a repairman, and then he left for work.



 When Brian got home that evening, he asked what the repairman had said, and I said, "Well, I didn't get around to calling him." And he said, "Okay, well, be sure and call him tomorrow."



 And tomorrow was the same story. I just, oh, I forgot I didn't get around to calling him.



 This went on for several days until Brian, in exasperation, finally said, "What's the problem? Why are you not calling the repairman?"



 That's when I broke into tears of embarrassment and shame.



 I felt inadequate.



 I felt unable.



 I was afraid I would do it wrong, cost us money we did not have. I was afraid I would fail.



 Now, Kathy, we do this in different marriage conferences.



 She tells that with some embarrassment.



 She tells it, and I feel pain.



 And the reason I feel pain is because you must know how intelligent a lady is. She made a lot better grades than I did in college, and she was the outstanding musician in her university two years in a row. I mean, this is an amazingly able woman.



 But I had to say to myself, "My word, Kathy, how is it that after only being married to me for a year, you feel so incapable that you cannot call a repairman?" And I thought back to the marriage in which I grew up, in which so often my mom felt inadequate and insignificant and wondered, "What had I picked up that I was doing to my own wife?" I didn't understand it entirely. It was a pattern of growth. I will tell you, this isn't very spiritual. The thing that got through to me was thinking in my grandmother's house, there was this old – this is terrible theology – there's old Victorian photograph – not photograph, picture. And the picture is of a boy at the wheel of a great ship that's at storm, and the winds are tearing apart the sails and the waves are coming over the bow of the ship, and the boy at the great steering wheel of the ship looks totally confident.



 And the reason is because also pictured in that Victorian painting is the image of Jesus with his hand on the boy's shoulder, and the subtext is always, "Jesus is my co-pilot."



 And the message was when Jesus is present with us, we never feel more confident, more strong.



 And I had to ask, why is it that when I am with my wife, she never feels less confident



 or strong?



 That she's a perfectly capable driver until I'm in the car?



 That she's perfectly confident in conversation until I join the conversation? And we had to go down a path of the dynamics between us where I was undermining her in ways that I didn't fully understand by living for myself rather than glorifying her. Now things have changed a little bit.



 You want me to brag on you? You're going to brag on you. Oh, you brag on me. I like it.



 So some years later, the washer broke again. Different washer. Different washer. Still broke. Still broke.



 So the same wife who wouldn't call the repairman takes it apart, identifies the part that's wrong, calls the shop, orders the part, goes and picks it up, and repairs it herself just as she did with our water softener about five weeks ago here. And I said, "What a woman." You know. And she is.



 But I recognize how easy it is to go in that evil math that builds me up by tearing her down.



 And ultimately what that is doing is not only taking away the glory that God intends for her, it's taking away the wholeness that God intends for me. I mean it's so important in this passage where verses 31 through 33, the apostle saying, "You are one in the Lord." That what God is doing when he says, "If you love your wife, you're actually loving yourself." That sounds kind of selfish, I know. But he's saying, "I meant for the two of you to be one. And if what you're doing is you're diminishing your wife, you're actually damaging yourself,



 I look at so much of how the Lord has blessed us and the privileges He's put in my life. But had Cathy not been the wife she's been, there's no way I'd be sitting in front of you now.



 There's no way that we would be the couple that God intended. We've seen it work wrong with men all the while saying, "But I'm being a confident and consistent head of a home."



 And in those same moments we're destroying not just their spouses, but ultimately destroying themselves. And we saw it in a parlor game one time.



 During the years that we lived on the campus at Covenant Seminary in St. Louis, we would often gather with students and their wives for fellowship and game nights and refreshments.



 One evening we were playing UNO. If you don't know this game, you accumulate and then you discard cards in a certain numbered order. And as you discard, when you get down to one last card and you're on the cusp of winning, you have to call out UNO so that other players have a chance to block your play. Well we began to notice that evening that Mary would get to having one card in her hand, but she would never call UNO.



 And after a while we said, "Why are you not calling UNO?" And so John spoke up and said, "Well, Mary embarrassed me in public recently." And so we had a conversation and we decided that she would not speak in public again unless I gave her permission first.



 And our first reaction to that was, "You cannot play UNO that way."



 But then our second reaction was, "Oh my.



 There is such ill health here."



 And in fact, we later observed that without Mary's support and encouragement, he became his own worse self as time went on. Became more and more selfish and domineering and more and more depressed. He ended up leaving seminary and we never heard of him again.



 He became his own worse self without her.



 By diminishing her, he had damaged himself.



 The two become one in the Lord. It's like saying, "I can just take the air out of one side of the basketball and it will work fine." It won't. That when we are called to make our spouses radiant, splendid before the God, to know the fullness of grace in God's life, it's wonderful for a spouse. That's our calling. But it's also necessary to be the persons that God intends for us to be. I think of what it was when my parents were struggling in my teenage years and how I just, being a sensitive kid, kind of artistic, went on numb, just not wanting to be hurt.



 And then getting married on numb, becoming a pastor on numb, not knowing how to express emotions, not wanting to. Still a lot of that goes on in me.



 And I look back and I think if Kathy had not been all she was for us, helping me to understand what it meant to love one another, to show affection, what kind of a father would I have been, what kind of a pastor would I have been? And I praise God for her and know that God put her in my life to water the fullness of grace in her so that I would know that same grace. Do you recognize so often in our marriages the intimate is the path to the transcendent? It's the way in which we care for one another, the way in which we hold one another that's teaching us of Christ's own care for us.



 And knowing that, we not only praise God for His work between us, but we so much want to share it with other people. You know, if you say, "What are the resources that God has given us to be able to be the heads of homes that God intends?" It's not such a mystery, right? It's self-sacrifice. Verse 25, "What did Christ do for His bride? He loved her and gave Himself for her."



 The first resource that we have for being the head of a home that God intends so that we are built up as well as building up our spouses is the willingness to engage in self-sacrifice. I will tell you, there are so many marriage manuals out there that try to say, "Here's what it means to be the head of the home. Who writes the checks? Who has the biggest paycheck? Who holds the remote? Who drives the car?" It's just silliness. I mean, there is no shortcut to saying, "This is what it means to be the head of a home. The man makes all the final decisions."



 Where is that in the Bible?



 I am not saying that it's not important that the man be engaged and perhaps as the two work through things to come to some final decision, but that is not the first step. What does it mean to listen to another, to love one another, to live for the sake of one another? That's not a shortcut. That is living life under Christ so that there is this daily devotion of two lives to Christ, and we listen to one another, and we serve one another. And ultimately the husband is saying, "Yes, me and my house, we will serve the Lord, and there will be spiritual leadership in this home by how we conduct ourselves." But ultimately it is saying, the man is saying, "I will take the lead in living for another."



 Because that's what Christ did, which ultimately means that our resource for living as Christ intended is not just self-sacrifice. Ultimately it is Christ's sacrifice. Do you understand what Jesus has done? He has filled up our tanks with the grace of God so that we can run on the fuel of grace in our marriages. That's not selfishness.



 That's living for another, and we take the lead, husbands, in living for another as God intends, and that can be a sacrifice. Kathy, we've seen that too. Dr. J. Robertson McQuilkin, well known as past president of the prestigious Columbia Bible College, he had been president for many years when his wife Muriel began to experience more and more the symptoms of Alzheimer's disease.



 One of those symptoms was that she became desperate for his presence, and so she would walk the half-mile journey from their home to his office just to be with him, and then he'd have someone walk her back home again. It was a half-mile each way, often 10 times a day, until one evening as he was helping her get ready for bed, took off her shoes and socks and saw that her feet were bleeding from all the walking.



 And as he washed her feet, he realized the next Christlike calling he would need to make in her behalf.



 So he gave up his presidency.



 He gave up himself for her.



 We've told that story in this church before, and you may recall that after J. Robertson McQuilkin gave up his presidency, gave up himself for his wife, that people were astounded and some renewed marriage vows, having heard the account, some wrote letters of thanks. And at some point, McQuilkin, who was struggling with cancer himself, said to his oncologist, "Why does this make such a difference to people? I love my wife."



 And the oncologist said, "It's not unusual for a woman to stand by her husband in serious health crisis.



 It can be quite unusual for a man to give up of himself for the sake of his wife.



 It is what Christ did."



 The Apostle Paul concludes his instruction to husbands, saying, "This mystery is profound,



 and I'm saying that it refers to Christ and the church.



 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself."



 Yeah, it is a mystery, but the path is not unclear, as in so many aspects of the Christian life. What it means to be the Christian head of a home, to be a gospel husband, a good news husband, the path of such a husband is the path of the cross.



 As we live for another, we follow the path of Christ, and that is our calling to bring radiance to another, health to our marriages, and glory to Christ because we are walking his path too. Let's pray together. Heavenly Father, I thank you for my wife who exudes the grace of Christ.



 I thank you for my Savior who has taught us both what that means.



 And pray even now, as we know, there are families who struggle in a time of anxiety and sheltering in place that you might just open eyes to Jesus, and seeing how he lived for another and gave himself for the church, we might begin to examine again, "Is that the way I'm living for my wife? Have I truly said, as for me and my house, we will follow the Lord because I'm going to follow the Lord, taking the spiritual lead for the sake of my family?"



 Teach us through Christ, we pray, for we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.