Ephesians 5:22-33 • Wisdom for Wives
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(This transcript was prepared using software tools and has not been reviewed for complete accuracy.)
What a great service of worship and praise we've had today, so many musicians participating.
It's been really sweet.
Let me ask that you would look in your bibles now at Ephesians chapter 5, Ephesians chapter 5, as we will be looking at verses 22-33.
And just a reminder: We began this whole discussion about Christian family, reminding ourselves that our calling, whether men or women, is to make the face of Christ known to those that we love, to make the invisible Christ visible by the way that we treat one another.
How do we do that?
Well, let's read.
Ephesians 5 verses 22-20--, through 33.
Let's stand as we read this portion of God's Word.
>>> Men, let me just remind you as you're standing: Next week a great time of getting together to think about what it means for men to encourage men as we get together to say, "Let's be iron sharpening iron for Christ's sake."
>>> Today, words to women as well as men.
Ephesians 5:22, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.
Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.
In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body.
'Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall be one flesh.'
This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."
Let's pray together.
>>> Father, words familiar to some of us, not familiar to others, unquestionably controversial in our culture, and, yet, intended by You for the blessing of Your people.
Open our hearts; clear our minds; help us to understand what the Spirit meant as He gave these words for our help.
This we ask in Jesus' name.
Amen.
>>> Please be seated.
Pastor Andy Stanley tells of when he was a young pastor being invited to a wedding in Washington, D.C. among young professionals, powerful and elite.
And though he was young and not well known at the time, his father was well enough know as a famous TV preacher, Charles Stanley, that people kind of knew where he was on some things.
And so after the wedding at the reception, the party that followed, he was sitting at a table with some of these young, very powerful, affluent, young people.
And one of the women at the table looked to him and said, "Andy, I heard a preacher say that the husband is the head of the home, because there can't be two heads of a home, that would be a two-headed monster."
[Laughter]
"Is that what you really believe, Andy?
You don't believe that the man is the head of the home, do you?"
From what he can recall, he answered this way: "Before I answer, let me ask you a question," he said to the young woman who had just asked.
"Imagine you are married to a man who genuinely believes that you are the most fantastic person on the face of the planet.
He's crazy about you.
You have no doubt that your happiness is his top priority.
His, he is responsible.
He's not afraid to make a decision.
He leads, but he listens.
He cherishes you.
He values your opinion.
He's not argumentative.
He's not arrogant or selfish.
He only has eyes for you.
His self esteem, his love, his resources, his life, are dedicated to leading in a way that is best for you and for his family.
Would you have trouble supporting such a man?"
Said the young woman, "No, I want to be introduced to him."
[Laughter]
Well, we can laugh, and, yet, there is deep truth in there.
The point was made, at least partially made in the question and response, that the actions of a biblical man are actually creating the context for a biblical woman's calling.
That to talk about women's submission apart from the man who gives of himself for the sake of his wife is actually just to speak nonsense.
That there is a mutuality of giftedness and calling that we have to understand, and ultimately we know that a wife is to love her husband out of her commitment to Christ.
But what that ultimately means is that she knows her biblical calling is to help her husband be the man that God intends for him to be.
Now, why is that so important?
Because if what you're saying is a woman is going to fulfill her calling when she meets a man who meets all the qualifications I just said, right?
He puts her first; he's not arrogant; he's kind; he takes care of her everywhere; he puts her needs above his: That man doesn't exist on the face of the planet.
And so if we're going to say, "Listen, a wife's calling is only going to be in that place where she has met the perfect man," no one's going to have a calling.
What do these words actually mean?
What duty is being expressed when we recognize there are imperfections in all of us?
Well, the duty, I suppose, is clear if we just begin by saying, "What is the duty of a Christian wife?"
Her goal is to pour herself into the completion of another.
Now, I know if I just start talking in verse 22, we are all going to get hung up on the word submit, right?
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
But recognize even that verse is in a context.
Chapter 5 verse 1 begins this way: "Be imitators of God, as beloved children.
Walk in love, as Christ loved us, gave himself up for us a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
There is this general context in which all of those in God's household are being called to show the face of Christ to another, to actually be willing to live in sacrifice for another that God cherishes.
And that sacrifice for the sake of others is what the man was called to and what the woman is called to.
They have different roles in that sacrifice but each being called to living for the other.
Actually, you have to recognize this is simply a reflection of what God Himself is saying in other portions of scripture.
You'll see that reflection if you'll look at verse 31 of chapter 5.
"'A man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.'"
Surely a physical union referenced here but also the understanding that God has called a man and a woman in complementary ways to actually be completely one another.
It's a reflection all the way back to the opening chapters of Genesis where God declared, "It is not good that a man would be," what?
Alone.
And therefore God created woman, who would be a helper suitable for him.
Now, we just need to stop right there and say a helper suitable for him.
The word helper there while it's applied to women is more frequently in the Old Testament applied to God Himself.
It's a word that God actually refers to Himself, the Hebrew word "Ezer."
Oh God, our help in ages past.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in times of trouble.
It's the notion that the woman is actually God's ordained means of helping a man be what God has called him to be, that she is not complete apart from him, he not complete apart from her.
That there is this intentionality that we are made one as we pour oneself into the completion of another.
Now, that--, I'm not going to contend that it is always a pleasant or easy task.
It is a calling, after all.
So I think of a man who once visited our family some years ago.
He simply came in humility saying, "I need to know what it means to be a father and a husband in a Christian home."
Because he said this, he said, "I was raised in a home that was horrible.
My father," he said, "in order to have an affair with the woman next door unheeded in any way intentionally drove my mother into insanity.
All that I can remember of my early childhood in terms of my parent's relationship is them physically fighting outside my bedroom door.
The consequence," he says, "I don't know how to be a husband.
I don't know how to be a father."
And he said, "I exemplify that in fits of rage in my family where I can't control my own emotions."
He said, "I thought I had a control of it, but I've learned I haven't."
And then he told us how he knew that.
He said a year previous when he had gone into a rage, he had even frightened himself.
And so he said to his wife, "If I ever lose my temper like that again, I will leave you lest I hurt you and the children."
Well, it may have been a good resolve.
It was a terrible promise.
And it did not change him.
Sometime later, he flew into another rage.
And his wife who normally bore it so well instead ran down the hallway, ran into the bedroom, collapsed on the bed in tears.
And that sobered him a little bit.
And he went to her and said, "Honey, what is it?
I mean, you never respond like this.
You know this is the way I am."
And she said, "Today is the one year anniversary of the promise that you made.
You said if you ever flew into rages like that, you would leave us.
I did not want you to leave, but I knew you could not stop.
And so I went to our pastor and I said, 'What do I do?'
And the pastor said, 'Only the Holy Spirit can change him, but you can be a support.
Pray for him.
Show him what it means to deal with difficulty with patience and endurance.
Be an example to him.
Live before him.
Take your gifts and show him what it means to be one who is controlled by Christ.'"
She said, "I have done all that I could, but it has not worked.
It has been one year to this day and you lost your temper again today as you have continuing this last year.
And I do not want you to leave us."
And that's what got him.
When he realized she had poured herself into him in prayer, on her knees, in example, in patience, in endurance, enduring him for his and the family's sake.
It was as she poured herself into his own completion and support and help that he recognized he truly needed her and he needed help to change as well.
Her goal was to take all that was hers and pour it into the completion of him to help him in those ways.
You must understand at its very essence, we are now describing what biblical submission is all about.
After all, what does that word mean in verse 22?
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
I'll tell you what our culture thinks it means.
You don't have to guess.
Kathy and I did a marriage conference some years ago, and afterwards a woman came up to me and she said, "Submit is what my dog does.
It's not what I do."
[Laughter]
But it's not just people outside the church.
I mean, even in the church we can get pretty twisted notions.
I think of the old story about a man and wife on vacation, not quite finding the way but him not asking directions.
[Laughter]
And so she took out the map and began to explain, you know, where they would have to go.
And there was this teenage boy voice from the backseat saying, "Mom, mom, remember what the Bible says: Suppress, suppress."
[Laughter]
And she said, "Young man, the word is submit, not suppress."
And that's actually an important distinction.
The Greek word here, submit, forgive me but you have to know, is two words put together: "hupo," which means under like hypodermic, "hupo," and the word "tasso," which means arranged.
To arrange under.
It is not to dispense with.
It is not to throw away.
It is not to suppress.
It is to arrange one's gifts under the purpose of helping and supporting another.
It is full expression of one's gifts for the good of another.
How do I know that?
Because of the very examples that are given.
How is this wife to do this?
Verse 24, "As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."
Well, how is the church supposed to submit?
We've already been told.
I mean, verses 18-20 are describing that, right?
We are told there, "Be filled with the Spirit," the instruction to the church, "addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing, making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always for everything."
We never say to the church, "Suppress your praise.
Don't sing too well.
Don't sing too knowledgably.
Don't express yourself too well."
No, what do we say to honor Christ?
We say, "Fully express with all the gifts and graces that God has given, fully express what is needed for His sake, for His glory."
If a woman is to be submitting according to the example that's given of the church, then it is full expression of gifts.
But in behalf of another.
Think of what we know.
If we'll just think about, we sometimes take the Bible and we just kind of separate it from itself in ways that God never intended.
We sometimes say, "You should be a Proverbs 31 woman."
Well, what is a Proverbs 31 woman?
I mean, yes, she brought honor to her husband at the gate.
How?
Well, she bought food and fields.
She was in real estate.
She bought clothes for her children and she manufactured clothes for others and sold them.
She was in retailing.
In addition, she not only made things for her family, but she took care of others who were poor in the community; she was involved in charity.
The stereotype of submission as just kind of dispensing with brain and talents and abilities is not what the Bible is accessing.
It is actually saying, "You are intended to be complementary, pouring all that God has given you into the completion of another."
To dispense with gifts and grace and talents and brain is not your calling but rather the full expression of them in behalf of another.
Only when we see that do we begin to understand that this duty is about dignity and not about humiliation.
Recognize that when we understand submission is full expression of gifts in support of another and not suppression of gifts under the thumb of another: Only then will we discern that submission is about dignity and not about humiliation
How can it be?
I mean, how is this passage at all talking about the dignity of a Christian wife?
Well, you'll only understand that if you remember the context of these words.
I mean, how were women treated in Greco-Roman society?
Until you know that, you will not recognize there is a revolution of responsibility that's being given to women in this passage.
In Greco-Roman society, women were all about being property and the man's pleasure, without the protection of law, without the protection of inheritance.
Women were typically married at ages 12-14 in an arranged marriage between their father and an older man.
The older man could dispense with the marriage at any point without consequence of law.
He could dispense with his wife's life at any point without any consequence of law.
In society, she was more than a slave but less than a man.
Aristotle said in kind of the philosophical underpinnings of what women were thought of in Greco-Roman society simply said this: "Women are deformed humans, established by a natural but huge calamity."
Others saying, "God--, the gods created women to punish men."
[Laughter]
Well, what's Paul saying?
Sometime quite different.
Men and women are both made in God's image.
These references to Genesis here are taking us right back to Genesis, remember, 1:27 where we are being told that "God made man in his own image, male and female he created them."
Not a deformed human but actually male and female both made in the image of God.
Not to punish man but actually taken as a help suited for him with the very name of God put upon them with the notion of here is suitability, to actually make man be what God intended to be, to bring the glory, the necessary aspects of who man needs to be only completed by the one that God designed to fit.
Which means again that unless God has gifted you for celibacy in which your wholeness comes by being married to God alone, and that happens, I mean, that's supposed to be a blessing and a gift in the scriptures.
But for everyone else, we are made complete and whole by the expression of giftedness of one to another as God intended.
And for that reason, rather than having no inheritance rights, we are told by the apostle Peter that man and women, joint heirs together of the grace of God.
As what God is saying is there's even eternal blessings that are shared as this marriage is being what God intended as people are performing the roles, the calling that God gave to them.
And that is blessed for men and women.
What was a woman?
Mother of God.
What did women do in Jesus' society for Jesus?
They were companions of the disciple, not camp followers, which would have been the only role in previous settings.
Expected later to be benefactors of the church movement, praying and prophesying in the church.
There were those that were simply to be understood as gifted by God for the callings they had and the extent of that responsibility is incredible.
I mean, you can, of course, read verse 24 in hateful ways or the way it's intended: "As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands."
Now, one way of saying that is you're a doormat in everything.
Whatever he says, in everything, do it.
Or there's another way of saying it, which is, no, if my goal is to bring my gifts into every aspect of my husband's life, then I am highly invested.
I am highly invested in seeing that the glory and good of God comes.
And there's no place in my life where I'm excluded from that obligation and responsibility of helping him be all that God calls him to be.
In everything, I still have this calling.
We begin to see it when we understand that this calling is truly a redemptive responsibility that is dignifying of any woman who understands it.
To understand the dignity of that, look at verse 22 again.
"Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
Now, I recognize an important way of reading that verse is as a statement of degree.
Bring your gifts; apply them for the good of another, as you would to the Lord.
I mean, that's a pretty comprehensive and strong understanding for one who is in authority as the Lord Himself is.
At the same time, you must understand this is not only a statement of a degree of devotion but the direction of it.
As to the Lord: What you do, do as to, this is for the Lord's purposes, which means there are strong limits upon it.
You are not called to obey a husband who is calling you to do evil.
That would not be as to the Lord.
Paul uses this language other places, right?
When he talks about how we work.
He says, "Work," right, "serve as others but as unto the Lord."
If your employer is calling you to do something that's unethical or it's irresponsible, no, you're not called to that.
As to the Lord, which means if a husband is abusing children, it is not submission biblically to stand in the corner and let him do it.
That is not as to the Lord.
It is not even right to stand silent while the husband is damaging himself or others.
No, you have been given graces in life, calling, giftedness, brains, understanding, so that it can actually be possible for us to say to a husband, if I'm a wife, to say, "That's wrong; that's not right; you need to reconsider that," because it is not my calling to simply do nothing for another.
That I'm supposed to be expressing my gifts for there.
There is a redemptive purpose in what I'm being called to.
It's very pointed.
Verse 22 again, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord."
Important words.
It's why we are not Muslims in our understanding of family, right?
We do not believe in general headship: that all women are under all men.
Submit to your own husbands.
That is, there is this focus that God has upon family complementary relationships.
Of all people, He called you for that husband.
Of all people, He called that husband for you, because there is intentionality in how this marriage has come together, so that each is becoming what God intends.
And in that redemptive, purposeful, pointed relationship, there is true dignity.
And perhaps the dignity is not even understood until you look so closely at verse 22 that you consider how that word submit is actually placed.
Now, I must tell you: I usually prefer the E.S.V. translation, but in this one place, I would actually prefer the older translations, the King James or the N.I.V.
And it's for the reason of that word submit right there in verse 22 is what's in Greek called the middle voice.
In English, grammarians, we would call it reflexive.
If you'll look in those older translations, it says, "Wives, submit yourself to the Lord, to the husband as unto the Lord."
Why the distinction?
Because the submission is not something imposed: It is something offered.
In sacrifice for another as Christ did for us.
It is this notion that I am so concerned that I am willing to give up myself for the sake of another and that is true dignity in the life of Christ.
It's the reason that we can look at someone like Donald Trump who has accumulated so much but only thinks about himself, apparently, to whom we have, for whom we have no respect and we could look at somebody like a Mother Teresa who had nothing but because she gave so much of herself for the sake of others she has absolute respect from us.
There is true dignity in saying, "I will live for the sake of another."
It's actually what we ultimately understand in our own hearts.
Recognize this: We are all driven, in our worst selves, we are all driven by the need to secure our own happiness by what we control or what we gain or what we enjoy for ourselves.
We think that's where our happiness and fulfillment resides.
But in our saner moments, we know that our greatest satisfaction, our greatest fulfillment, our greatest dignity is in giving ourselves for the sake of those that we love.
That is actually our greatest and more deep satisfaction: that I would give of myself for those that I love.
That is the path that Jesus took and that means that one who takes that path is actually reflecting Christ likeness, the true dignity of any person.
What I'm wanting you to see in saying this is that this dignity of living for the other is not just a consequence of duty, but it's ultimately what our heart's deepest desire is: to live for the sake of another.
After all, if all we have to say to ourselves or to a new generation of our daughters is that biblical submission is a stinky duty but you got to do it because of your gender, then we may create drones or slaves or Stepford wives, but hardly we'll be creating the women of God that Christian husbands delight to marry, to be one with, and to respect themselves.
If God is calling us, we understand that He has called us for a reason, and that reason is to say that women who are actually living for the sake of another are fulfilling the deepest desires of their own hearts.
The task of truth in this society right now, the task of truth in this society is to show how the duty of a Christian wife actually resonates with the deepest desires of her own heart.
So that when she honors Christ and honors the husband in her family, what she is actually ultimately doing is satisfying her own heart's deepest desire.
That somehow duty and dignity and desire match.
I am not saying it's exactly like, you know, the Bible says that you shall eat chocolate.
[Laughter]
And wives are to say, "Well, hey, I can get along with that command."
[Laughter]
When, in which desire and duty would be right there.
[Laughter]
But I am saying something similar to that: I am saying that biblical sacrifice for the sake of another is the mark of a Spirit-filled heart.
And therefore when a husband or a wife is finding ways that I am, according to scripture, giving myself for the sake of another, that we're actually fulfilling the desires of that Spirit-filled heart.
What, after all, is the desire of a Christian wife?
You know, preachers swap stories, and so this one will fit.
You may have heard it before.
The pastor who was involved in premarital counseling for a couple and despite that good premarital counseling, soon after the wedding, the new wife called in a panic, in virtual hysterics to say, "We've had this awful fight.
What do we do?"
And the pastor, you know, full of experience and knowledge and calmness said, "Couples have fights.
I mean, it's normal.
It's not the end of the world.
You'll get past this."
To which she said, "I know, but what am I supposed to do with the body?"
[Laughter]
What do wives deeply desire?
A husband they don't want to kill.
[Laughter]
They want a husband that they respect.
When I say that, I hope you're hearing me say this: That verse 33, as Paul is pulling all the threads together here, where he says, "Let each man love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband," that what is actually happening is Paul is coordinating capan--, command with heart's desire.
After all, the command is directed at the heart's desire.
What does a woman truly want?
Most women want to respect their husbands.
Because they want a husband that they respect.
I want to respect my husband, because I want a man that I can respect.
Okay.
So the command is directed at the heart's desire.
Why make it a command to do it then?
Because the command is also directed at the heart's deception.
What do most of us think will make us happy in a marriage?
If I can get that other person to satisfy me, if they will fill up my emotional tank, if they will fill up my sexual tank, if they will do what I need to be happy, then I'll be happy.
If that is our perception, that I need that person to make me happy, then life becomes a game if not a battle of taking control.
How can I control them so that they will make me happy?
And how do men and women do that?
Well, men take control by dominating: using greater strength or greater volume.
Men take control by dominating.
So Paul goes right after that deception.
And he says, "Men, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her."
It was in service of her, not in strength of domination, that true leadership found its mark.
And if men try to control by domination, how do women try to control to make him make me happy?
Typically if it's going the wrong way, women try to control men not by dominating them but by diminishing them.
By words, by embarrassment, by sexual control, to make a man question, hurt, do damage to his own ego, fault, whatever, to somehow diminish him so much that he becomes controllable.
The consequence of that, of course, is that the man that we want to respect by having a respectable man we actually have a choice: Am I going to build that man or am I going to actually destroy that man?
Am I going to diminish and diminish by the way that I treat him?
The command ultimately is driven after the heart's fulfillment.
A woman wants a man that she can respect, a man that she can respect because he is a man after God's own heart, that God is making that man respectable.
But how does God do that?
How does God make the man respectable?
By putting a wife in his life to support and strengthen and build up and respect him.
How does she do that?
How does she actually respect him?
By giving him the strength of encouragement and support and love to which she is called.
For us as men, that means that have to be some honest things said.
If that's the way God has designed it, that the greatest command as well as the greatest fulfillment of a woman is to respect her husband, then somehow we need it.
I have to say that I am made, wired, created to actually need my wife's respect.
I mean, for Kathy and me, one of our greatest revelations was at a board meeting at Covenant Seminary where wives were meeting with Kathy in a separate function.
And just as they got to talking, these wives of very mature men, godly men, leaders in the church, began to talk to one another, and the honest confession came out from one after another: "I did not know my husband needed my respect.
I thought he was going to get that at his job."
Well, the reality is husbands do need respect, and if they don't get it from their wives, they will get it from somewhere.
It's the way we are wired.
And I have to say, if that's true, then I have to say to my wife, "You make me more than I can be on my own."
That, you recognize the song?
[Laughter]
"You make me more than I can be," and I have to acknowledge that.
I recognize there have been times in our marriage, in my life, in my career, where no one supported me but Kathy.
Where everyone thought I was wrong or foolish or on the wrong track, and no one, my wife alone, was the one who said, "I will support you and stand with you and respect you."
And I would not be where I am standing before you now if it had not been for my wife's respect, I can assure you.
I am wired to need that.
Men are wired to need that, which mens--, which means that women are called to express that.
Now, I know the reaction of most women that said, "Great, I will give him respect when he deserves it."
[Laughter]
Which gets us right back to where we started.
That ain't gonna happen.
[Laughter]
And the reason I know it's not going to happen is because I know the depth of the words that the apostle is using here.
Yes, the word in verse 33 is respect, but it is exactly the same word as the word that Paul uses at the end of verse 21, where he calls all Christians with this understanding: "You should be submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."
It's the same word.
"Wives, reverence your husbands."
Well, they sure don't deserve that.
So why would we give it?
Why would the command be framed that way, to reverence a husband since no one is deserving that?
Some of you will know the biography of Liz Curtis Higgs, on-air radio personality turned very popular author, profane, angry, ridiculing of Christians, burned by men, burned by the church, so profane on the air that even Howard Stern as a guest one time said to her, "Liz, you need to clean up your act."
Despite her profanity, despite the difficulty, despite her anger at the church and the anger at men, there was a Christian couple who kept inviting her to their church, kept inviting.
Finally, just to put them off, "Okay, I'll go one time.
That'll shut 'em up."
So she went.
And the verse the preacher had decided to preach on that day was.
[Laughter]
"Wives."
[Laughter]
"Submit to your husbands, as to the Lord."
Well, that made her so mad that she thought, "I'm going to collect some more ammunition here to crush these Christians on my next radio show."
And so she kept listening a little bit, until the pastor got to verse 25.
"And husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her."
At which point Liz leaned over toward her friend who had invited her to church and said, "Well, I'd gladly give myself to any man if I knew he would die for me."
To which the friend said, "Liz, there is a man who died for you.
His name is Jesus."
As unto the Lord.
Not because the man who is the husband deserves it but because he is precious to the Lord, who is your Lord too.
And because He is your Lord and Savior, in order that you could show His face to the world and to the one nearest you in this earth's relationships, God says, "For Christ's sake show him Jesus."
That is your calling as you reverence your Savior by respecting your husband, which, by the way, is your own heart's deepest desire.
After all, you want a man to respect.
You help God create that man as you do respect him.
>>> Father, I pray for us today.
These are not easy subjects.
I am sure I have not said everything in exactly the right way for all ears.
But Your Holy Spirit can do that.
So take these words intended for our blessing as we would give of ourselves for the sake of another: husbands using their authority for the sake of their spouses and wives expressing their gifts for the sake of their spouses.
As we do that, somehow, not by a chore manual of who holds the remote and who takes out the garbage or who has the last word, but by something deep in our hearts as we are seeking to reflect Christ, the one we love most, to the one You have given us to love most on this earth, our spouse, that we will find what You intend.
So guide our hearts, we pray, as we put aside self for the Savior and find our own heart's greatest pleasure in doing so.
Grant this blessing we pray in Jesus' name.
Amen.